This is a very personal story about my life which, I believe, could be interesting for many of you, especially other parents. Life is full of surprises that challenge us to revisit what matters and take on uncharted territories.
The framework will work outside of the context of parenthood, it will be of help in any circumstance where one’s priorities change dramatically in a short period, possibly caused by something outside of their control. I personally felt this most intensely after the birth of my first child but a loss of a job, health issues or loss of a person close to can result in the same uncertain feeling.
I had my first baby when I was 30, I was becoming a parent at a stage of my life when I had a stable career, financial and social stability and importantly when I felt ready. Yet when I was first venturing into motherhood, I quickly became stuck at the crossroads wondering about the differences in my old and new values. I was looking for a way to bring my old perspectives and the new priorities the same page. It seemed like I was no longer thrilled by the vision I had pre-motherhood, still it would have felt inauthentic to do the exact opposit. I felt heartwrenching uncertainty about my future, the sheer thought of looking at what I expect from life even in the mid-term overwhelmed me.
The Limbo
Becoming a mother was life-changing in a great way, yet there came this feeling of uncertainty no one warned me of. The carefully thought-out path of my professional life suddenly disappeared. In a second everything was reprioratised I knew what mattered to me the most but I was very foggy on how to see myself in the future.
Uncertainty can be paralyzing. Doubts slipped in often, and I wondered if it was possible to be the present mother I wanted to be and finding me as a professional again. The two worlds seemed at odds, and the lack of a clear roadmap left me feeling lost.
Embracing Change
In this state of anxiety, at a certain point, I recognized that the way to move forward is by accepting change and approaching it with a new mindset. I wanted to find new goals, ones that embraced not just my parental role but also served as a realization of my professional ambitions. So instead of forcing myself to set a long-term vision when it seemed unattainable, I became ok with only establishing specific, measurable goals that reinforced my changing focus.
The Gentle Approach
So I checked my previous plan, thought about what did and did not feel authentic to the new perspective I adopted. I implemented changes with goals that each felt attainable and I made a conscious effort not to let myself get overwhelmed. Whenever I started to feel the fog creeping in I simply stopped, did not plan two month ahead just two days and as I could attain my goals for the next two days I felt the confidence to plan for a week and slowly worked my way up to have quarterly plans and so on.
The key to be able to overcome uncertainty was to wait until I gained a footing in my new life with a baby, get a new sense of what my day-to-day looked like and then find a way to be OK with letting the previous Vision go.
Not necessarily erase them but to change the vision to fit my new normal, it was not comfortable until it was familiar and with time came familiarity.
Setting goals in the midst of uncertainty is all about coming up with a flexible plan. It is about letting yourself be uncertain so you have the ability to go to smaller and smaller steps until you can find something you are certain about. Find the method that enables you to be adjustable and adaptive even if it is on such a minuscule scale that your previous self wouldn’t even care about it.
Step-by-Step Goals
Instead of focusing on the far future, I began to create short-term goals that built up one another. Every goal became a checkpoint, one of the milestones in this uncertain trek. It could have been accomplishing a project task, learning some new aspect of parenting or finding the time for self-care—all these smaller goals gave direction and satisfaction.
Rediscovering the plan
While traveling this mixed route of motherhood and work, the fear that has haunted me became a chance to develop and redefine my goals and even my identity. It wasn’t about one path or the other; it was finding a way to reconcile both that felt genuine.
To everyone experiencing uncertainty, especially those navigating the uncertain waters of career in a new situation, I want to offer this: Enjoy change, have patience, and do each step with an agile mind, you can take it slow and you can get lost, you will find the way again. The way may not always be obvious, but with persistence and flexibility of mind we can trace out our new plan.
If you are interested in more on how setting goals can help with moving you forward, follow us here and on all social platforms!